i like that we say “oh, man” to express disappointment
because men are disappointing
when my friends ask me for relationship advice and i try to sound all deep and meaningful so they forget that i literally haven’t been in a single relationship????
i love laughing about the friend zone because it’s so dumb like you know most of those dudes aren’t even IN the “friend zone” they’re in the “ugh god not this dude again” zone
You’re a Disney princess who is just currently in the sad part of her feature film. It’s going to be okay.
people who randomly decide to compliment you are so important
spell your name with fictional characters
The human body has 7 trillion nerves and some people manage to get on every single fucking one of them
My friend never smiles in photos but he is here. This will be a historic photo.
a guy walked into the board room and said
"hi sweetheart if you could fix me up a coffee real quick im meeting with the regional reports manager in like five minutes, thanks darling"
and i just stared at him and coldly said
"i am the regional reports manager"
we are now twenty minutes into this board meeting and i dont think i’ve ever seen a man look so embarrassed and afraid in my whole life